


The First Annual Meeting of the Glomgold Society

by Lieju



Category: Disney Duck Universe, Disney Ducks (Comics), DuckTales (Cartoon 1987), DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Crack, Don't think about it too much, M/M, crossovers, horrible fake Scottish accents., mass appeal what is that, target audience of this is just me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:04:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11824506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieju/pseuds/Lieju
Summary: All the different versions of Flintheart Glomgold meet to discuss their common problem. Basically the target audience of this story is like... Just me. Maybe one or two other people.





	The First Annual Meeting of the Glomgold Society

 

Don Rosa's Flintheart Glomgold looked around the table and knocked at it with his cane. "Welcome, me. Me's- Different versions of Flintheart Glomgold. I have called you all here to discuss how to get rid of our respective Scrooge McDucks."

"Wait ah second," a Scottish accented voice asked as the 80's Ducktales cartoon version spoke up, "why does this guy get to be the chairman?"

"Because the author of this story likes me," Don Rosa's Flinty stated. "And she couldn't decide if Barks's version should be split into two versions or not. Last I saw him was when we stuffed him into a closet since he was confused and tried to shoot us all for being in South Africa."

"But still, if not Barks's, then surely it should be _me_ ," 80's Ducktales one tried. "Ah'm best known to the general public! Mass appeal!"

"What on earth has made you think the author has ever heard the words 'mass appeal' in her life?" Lars Jensen's Flinty pointed out. He sighed. "Can we just get to the point? I have to admit, I enjoy my own company but we came here for a reason."

"Scrooge McDuck!" 80's Egmont Flinty exclaimed and there was a general murmur from them all apart from Ducktales reboot Flinty who let out a bagpipe noise and a "Hello? You can let me out of the closet now? I'd just like to go home to my money" coming from somewhere.

Don Rosa's Flinty hit the table again. "Indeed! Our nemesis who continues to claim he's the richest duck in the world! I don't know about you but I have had enough!"

"He always does that!"

"He ruins all my plans!"

"He urged Magica de Spell to attack me to get my No.1 Coin! And The Beagle boys to steal my hard-earned money!"

"He stole my golden meteorite!"

"He just refuses to die, the old bastard!"

"He tried to throw me a birthday party when I was all set up to wallow in depression the whole day!"

"He let me be kidnapped by giant Australian moles!"

"He made me think I owed all the money in the world to him!"

"He locked me into a pyramid and left me there!" Guido Martina's Glomgold said.

"He thinks he's morre Scottish than aye am!" Ducktales reboot Flinty cried out.

"He _is_ more Scottish than you are," Lars Jensen's Flinty pointed out. "I'm pretty sure _I_ am more Scottish than you are."

"At least mah McDuck is ah genuine thrreat!" He mimicked Jensen's Flinty's voice (which it being a fake Scot mimicking a Dane-written-South African came out sounding like a Bulgarian accent): "Oh dear my Scrooge McDuck tries to drag me out to socialize with people the _horror._ "

"Hey! He also rescued me from a deserted island once it was very _embarrassing._ "

"I can symphatize," Don Rosa's Flinty interrupted them, "but we're not getting anywhere-"

"It strikes me that maybe we should focus on Scrooge," Guido Martina's Flinty pointed out. "Our Scrooges might have differences and if the whole point of this is trying to find new ways to deal with him..."

There was general nodding around the table and a few "Well I do like complaining about him"- comments.

The reboot Flinty pulled out a smartphone. "Ah got pics! This is him at a meeting. And this is him punching mah in the face. And this is him taking a bath-"

"Interesting. I mean, you're telling me he takes baths in water? I'm pretty sure my Scrooge only bathes in coins that's why he always smells so nice." Don Rosa's Flinty shook his fist. "As a plot against me."

"It definitely is a plot of some kind!" Kari Korhonen's Flinty agreed. "I bet he's so _adorable_ just to annoy me."

A silence fell. The specific kind of silence where you are trapped in a room with alternative versions of yourself and someone lets slip something you weren't sure you wanted to discuss but now that it's brought up wish someone will say something as long as it's not you.

"By the way," 80's Ducktales Flinty decided to break the silence, "Just to make sure, when you say 'your Scrooge' you mean 'your' as in your boyfriend?"

Don Rosa's Flinty made a gagging sound. "What?"

Lars Jensen's Flinty fainted.

Reboot Flinty fell over with a 'herbivorous haggis!' exclamation. Don Rosa's Flinty took the opportunity to steal his smartphone to take modern technology back to the 50's.

"Hm?" 80's Ducktales Glomgold said. "You're telling me you aren't actually together with him?"

"No!" 80's Egmont Flinty said. "That would never- no!"

"But to be clear, everyone here _is_ gay for Scrooge McDuck, right?"

"I am not!" Guido Martina's Glomgold protested. "I might be gay but I'm not gay for that... asshole-"

His eyes widened as realization dawned. "&£@## I _am_ gay for that asshole." He buried his face in his hands. "I have a horrible taste in men!"

"Well ah'm not gay!" Reboot Glomgold exclaimed. "Aye am very straight, straighter than Scrooge McDuck who had, what, one real girlfriend everr? Two? Have you seen the four girls aye hired as mah cheerleading squad? Twice as straight! Also each of them had a bagpipe. A bagpiiipe! Aye once met a straight person who was playing a bagpipe that's straightie culture reit?"

"Just as a... datapoint," Korhonen's Flinty asked 80's Ducktales Glomgold, "How did you get him to, well- Date you?"

"Ah asked him out," 80's Ducktales Flinty said.

"What!?" Don Rosa's Glomgold said. "But he's so... oblivious!"

"I know!"

"I keep challenging him to compare our fortunes and he never gets the hint!" Jensen's Flinty said.

"The moment I saw him in my 20's I knew he was the one," 80's Egmont Flinty said. "I immediately threw a bucket of dirty water on him but somehow this failed to make him jump into my arms and declare his undying love to me?? What gives?"

"I keep trying to drop boulders on him!"

"Ah did try that at first! But then ah just asked him on a date and it worked! We went to a nice restaurant and-"

Don Rosa's Glomgold waved his hand dismissively. "Well, that's because your Scrooge is a softie. Unlike _mine_. A true challenge. You're defined by your enemies and I can't say I'm terribly impressed by your soft little-"

The reboot Flinty laughed. "Well, mah Scroogey is a true adventurrer! A cunnin' business man! Looks _cracking_ in a kilt-"

For a second silence fell as everyone considered the idea of Scrooge in a kilt.

"My Scrooge is kinda an asshole," Guido Martina's Flinty said. "He keeps being pretty mean to that Rockerduck guy- Maybe I should be mean to him too? That might make an impression? We could bond over throwing bricks at Johnny?"

"My Scrooge told me he no longer constantly feels the need to rip his lungs off when he breathes the same air I do," Jan Gulbransson's Glomgold said. "I think it means he likes me."

"I think my Scrooge hits the best balance between an asshole and adorable," came from the closet. "Just impress him with your ball of string... Just make sure it's longer than his... I'm sure that would have worked if I just had a foot more string."

"The Scrooge I have a crush on is obviously the superior one!" 80's Egmont Flinty declared.

"Crush!" Don Rosa's Flinty laughed. "A mere crush is it? And not a bottomless endless yearning? Weak!"

Reboot Flinty looked around. "Ah'll show yah more pictures of mah Scrooge bein' adoorable with his wee tiny lads, where did mah phone go? Did yah see-"

In search for a diversion Don Rosa's Glomgold turned to Korhonen's Flinty who happened to sit on his other side: "Well you won't get Scrooge, not with that look" He pulled his beard. "Get a haircut, hippie!"

"WAK!" Korhonen's Flinty slapped his hand away. "I'm pretty sure hippies didn't exist in the 50's, how do you know about them?"

"Well I'm pretty sure my fist didn't exist in your face in the 50's either but see where it's now!"

"Aah!"

80's Ducktales Flinty took the chance to leap at reboot Flinty. "Ah show you Scottish!" He pushed reboot Flinty into the ground.

Not to get left out, Guido Martina's Flinty kicked him in the stomach. "Mostly to see if he makes bagpipe noises when- oh he does!"

Lars Jensen's Flinty ducked under the table as Carlos Mota's Flintheart jumped at Don Rosa's Glomgold and bit him on the leg.

Don Rosa's Glomgold tried to shake him off. "If you give me rabies I'll send the hospital bill to you!"

Korhonen's Flinty stuffed his beret in Don Rosa's Flinty's mouth. "At least my hair doesn't look like it's made of steel wire!"

Jensen's Flinty came face to face with 80's Egmont Flinty under the table. "Hello? We're basically the same person, right? Maybe-"

"I think I have had enough social interaction for a decade," Jensen's Flinty said. "Also I was promised free food, which I never got." He sighed. "This went well."

Upon seeing 80's Egmont Flinty's look he hurried to add: "I mean obviously I knew it'd end up in backstabbing but I thought we'd get farther than 1500 words into this fic..."

"Want to go? I think we could try dragging original Ducktales Flinty with us, he might buy us dinner and maybe give us some pointers on the whole 'boyfriend' thing-" he ducked back under the table. "Intini's Flinty has a gun and he's talking about mole people again."

 

 


End file.
